When I was a kid, things were much different from now. The choice of the clothing I wore was pretty much out of my hands. The principle determiner of such things was my Mom. To her, looking "nice" and dressing fashionable were synonymous. She shopped for well made clothing that looked good, fit well, and carried a reasonable price tag.

We didn't have designer labels to guide us back then, to announce in gigantic, bold letters that we were in tune with the latest fashion trend. Either a kid looked "nice" or he was a slob. If a kid was a slob, Mom always said, "I don't know how his mother lets him run around looking like that; what will people think?"

On special occasions like weddings, proms, or the annual Ancient Order of Hibernians' Ball, tuxedos were worn, but things were very different back then. We practically never rented a tux. We had an unofficial family/neighborhood co-op. Tuxedos were not owned by individuals. They were owned by families.

Mom: "You can wear our pants and the Morans' jacket, if they fit. Is anybody using the Hogans' pants?" (Note the possessive form)

Sister: "I know a guy from work who has a jacket that would probably fit better."

Grandma: "Cousin George isn't going to the dance because he had a fight with his girlfriend, so you can probably get his tux. It isn't as frayed."

I usually said nothing. It was all prearranged by my elders, like a Chinese wedding.

We didn't drink at high school dances. It was probably because we could get just as high on the scent of mothballs and cedar infiltrating the atmosphere. The tuxedos had a historical perspective as well. Essentially, the pants were all the same: too tight or too loose, seldom a good fit, and always frayed somewhere.

The jackets represented every conceivable style, which was determined by the type of lapel: notched, shawl, etc., but I do not once remember anyone at the dance ever commenting about whether one or the other was more correct.. I don't think anybody ever knew which was currently in fashion.

Every once in a while, a rumor went around to the effect that someone was wearing a "rented" tux. Mom would say, "They always were snobs," or "I hear his dad is making good money. I guess they want to show it off." The only time my peers rented formal wear was when they were principals in a wedding.

Not only did we trade tuxedos. We often loaned or borrowed the people in them. Occasionally, I overheard my Mom's side of a telephone conversation:

"Tsk. Tsk. You say that he called this late, just a few days before the prom? Now, that isn't right! And his parents didn't say anything? I'm sure my Eddy will be happy to go with her. She has a lovely personality you say?"

I knew at once that my fate was sealed. In those days, kids did what their moms told them to do, like it or not. A "sprained" ankle might help, but it wouldn't be enough to provide me with the desired reprieve! Appendicitis could be faked if I could only develop the fever. Mom would know. My only possible relief from the situation would be suicide, and I wasn't prepared to go quite that far just yet!

Regarding parties prior to dances, or parties in general, I knew a mother who always brought a cake to every one of them. Without fail! She would bring it in, then walk around and check things out. If all was O.K. she then wished everyone a good time and left. Her daughter could always 'count on the cake,' if you get my drift. All the kids called her "the cake lady."

For my own wedding, I purchased a tux and asked the men in the wedding party to rent theirs in a style compatible with mine. I still have that tux. My wife learned early on just how tight-fisted I am, and after 26 years the tux still fits! I don't know if it is in style or not. It doesn't really matter. I only wear it on Halloween now, when I take my kids trick or treating.

My first born was going to her high school Junior Prom! What an exciting time! 90% of a prom is anticipation. The dance itself is actually kind of anticlimactic.

Shopping for the dress took weeks and cost a small fortune. But she was happy and excited! Then I began to overhear conversations regarding transportation plans, followed by the comparisons and ratings by size of various limousines; those equipped with bars, TVs, cellular phones, toilets, showers, swimming pools, saunas, and other sundry features. I sensed that there was some sort of competition going on out there.

My daughter would be holding the money for a limousine. The original plan for a limo was soon changed to a large rental car, which would be driven by her date. Two other girls and their escorts agreed to share expenses. The protocol was to pick up one boy first, then his date, and on to the next boy, then the next girl, establishing a pattern which would result in over 150 miles being driven before they even arrived at the ballroom!

They would have to leave our home by 4:30 in the afternoon! My daughter had the money all worked out and hadn't received a dime in advance from any of the other young ladies.

I inquired about the mileage charges, insurance waivers and the other various contrivances invented by rental companies in recent years to fatten the tab. She knew none of it. I estimated that the cost per couple would be more than double the amount everyone had in mind. She began to grasp the difficulty of her situation, potentially holding the bag. Her date borrowed his boss's Cadillac.

The most memorable part of this entire exchange was that it was one of those extremely rare occasions in a daddy's life when he and his child are completely tuned in on the same wavelength. Before she left for the prom, I told her the following:

Proms are about memories. You can make your own, and they can be either very good or very bad. Here you are, making plans for a transportation based entirely upon appearances. The result is that you are going to your prom with girls with whom you might not even have a close relationship. My advice is to get together as soon as possible with people who you really like when you arrive at the party before the prom, the dance itself, and the party afterward. You will come out of it with very happy memories. Guaranteed!"

The next morning she threw her arms around me and said, "Thanks for the advice, Dad!" I felt like a million bucks! I didn't need a limo. I was truly blessed! I had been able to pass on to another generation the idea that relationships were of the utmost importance and everything else was secondary.

Edmund W. Boyle

Used with permission by Mr. Boyle